By Faith

As I sit here, overwhelmed by God's presence, I wanna share with you my heart. There's been alot of things God's been doing in me the last few months. To put it simply, He's been revealing and dealing with alot of deep-rooted fears I've had. And often, as you're going through that process...it's hard to articulate what exactly, you're feeling and how you're dealing with it. Seeing imperfections in ourselves is a very hard thing...and quite frankly, we'd rather not see it.
But this is exactly what God has continued to do in me. And though it is painful, I've been asking Him to help me to embrace these weaknesses (as Paul did), knowing that they are pushing me closer to God, and causing me to rely on Him more than myself. This is the place I want to be, leaning into God...knowing that the only way I'm going to remain on this path He's leading me on is IN Him. There ain't NO way I can do this in my own strength. (Funny how often we start to try though, isn't it? And that's when, in His grace, He shows us our error...and calls us to come deeper in Him.)
This time of preparing to go to Africa again has been fun, and yet stretching too. God is wooing me closer to Him, and calling me to live a life of complete trust in Him. Do you know how much the flesh wants to resist that? Ooooh...my flesh has wanted to take control SO many times, and MAKE things turn out how I want. But that isn't the way that'll lead me to deeper intimacy with God.
As I'm writing, I don't yet have all the money for tickets to Africa. I quite like to have "all my ducks in a row" and preparations made WELL in advance, with a good "buffer zone" so I don't even have to think about such things. But this is the part where God's saying, "Trust ME." "I'm your Provider...and I will NEVER fail you. Not only will I get you to Africa, but I will get you there with MORE than enough, so you can pour out that abundance on others." But oh...how this trusting goes against the grain of human tendencies! And though I know I've been in this place before, it's different somehow. I suppose every time God asks us to take a step (or leap, as may be the case) of faith, it is exactly that...by FAITH. Not by sight.
I know that HE will provide. I know I am going to Africa, He's promised me that. But right now, He's taking my dirt (insecurities and fears) and in their place, giving me jewels worth more than gold or silver..worth more than any earthly treasure could replace. Though He could simply make things happen in a blink of an eye, I'm glad that He's choosing this "refining/stretching" route...'cause it's pulling me SO much closer to Him. And I feel that I'm beginning to smell His fragrance.