It's been almost a year since I've brought you up to date on the happenings in my life. I will try to sum up the last year in a few paragraphs, I've got a lot of stories and things I could share...I mean, a year IS a long time. But I'll try to keep it [relatively]short for your sakes. Well...here it goes....enjoy!
In Spring 2009, I went to Mozambique on a short 2-week missions trip. A mere 2 or 3 weeks after returning home, I felt a strong tugging on my heart to visit Africa again. I wasn't yet done in that beautiful country. I had only traveled to one other country besides Africa....but still, I wanted to travel. Initially, it may have looked like I'd been bitten by the travel bug....but I knew that it was something more. God was pulling me to travel. I had once thought that I would do a couple short-term missions trips and “tout fini” I would not need to travel anymore!! I would have tasted life in other countries, and I could just settle to life as 'normal' here in Canada. Maybe get a degree as a teacher, or nurse...or maybe...an artist? Then, buy a house on an acreage...better yet, a farm. Get myself some animals...horses, chickens, cows, sheep...etc. Build a nice red barn, and begin my dream of living in the country. (or better yet, just marry a farmer...and begin my life as a farmer's wife. A baby on my hip and a hoe in my hand. Dogs, kittens, horses, cows, chickens and children surrounding me as I go about the daily life of a hard-working country woman.) But it seemed that God had other plans for me. Instead of my trip to Africa quenching the desire to travel, it stirred something in me. There's more to life than I had once thought. And now I longed to go back. Why? I didn't exactly know. Eventually, it was clear that God was asking me to go to Iris Ministries' “Harvest School”....a 3-month missionary training school that focuses on God...knowing Him, going lower-still, and stopping for the one. “Why would I wanna go to this school?”, I asked God. “I'm not interested in long-term missions. I don't even think I'm called overseas. I'm done with missions, aren't I?” “I've been there...done that. Now I can settle to my nice, quiet life here.” But all I could hear Him saying was, “You'll see. Just trust Me.” I relented, “Well...okay. I know whatever Your plans are...they're good. I don't see how this is part of the calling you have for me...but I trust You.” And so started the adventure that has been the last year.
I went to the Harvest School in the Fall of that year...and was completely undone. I was in the Mozambican dirt, surrounded by 80 other students who were hungry for God...had a passion to love....and were willing to lay down their life to do His will. Speakers from around the world came and taught us...revealing to us the heart of the Father, and even practical things that will help you for life on the mission field. They said how, really, all God's children are missionaries....we are all ambassadors...representing Him to the world. Whether that's to the customers we serve at Wal-Mart...our fellow business executives....or to that orphan living on the streets of Calcutta. We had many opportunities to serve the locals....just a few were: helping replace roofs in a nearby village, assist in feeding lunch to the 700+ village children, praying for the sick at the hospital, learning the language from the natives....even if that meant sitting on their dirt 'porch' and letting them be your teacher, and even just loving on the children...holding the babies or playing “football” (soccer) with the children. Alongside this, everyone went on outreaches to the bush-bush tribes in Mozambique and other countries around the world(a lot of them unreached) praying for the sick, seeing them healed, and telling them about what Jesus did for them. On these outreaches, we saw God at work....whether it was the blind, deaf, or cripple person completely healed before your eyes, or food multiplying. God is moving...and not just in Africa...around the world! As His children....royalty...and according to the Bible...the supernatural (God moving...people being healed, restored, and set free) should be completely natural. It's what we were created for.
During this time, God took me deeper in Him....and showed me His heart. And He asked me to lay everything down for Him. He also did a lot of inner healing. Freeing me from the fears that had restrained me...held me down. And I felt so light..so free...like a feather! And I started hearing His heartbeat...and wanted to travel more. I wanted to do missions! I wanted to run to the lost and broken around the world. And point them to God. That they would experience His love and grace. And be set free. But, instead of being called to some far away land, God told me first to go back home. I needed to work on relationships with my family. And He wanted me to be His love to the youth and children of Canada. At first, I didn't wanna. I didn't wanna go back home. I wanted to go on an adventure! But...just like in Acts 1:8. He wanted me to start in my Jerusalem. God did a work in me, and He wanted me to go home...where it can be the hardest to live out the changes that He's done. Our family and friends, can, with the best of intentions, create a mold that we've always fit in. And when God rearranges our furniture, so to speak, we can't fit into that mold anymore. And this creates friction in our relationships. For me...I had to make a choice. How would I walk? Would I go back to my old self? Or would I live in the new freedom that God gave me? And how would I do it in Love? It took some time and a lot of struggles to learn what this walk looked like. I messed up many a time....fell flat on my face a few times...and often hurt others in the process. But I trust that through it all, I was able to help some people, encourage others, but most of all, that the Love of God brought hope and healing along the way...even in the biggest of my mistakes. And this, I think, is a part of life. As we walk along the path God's told us to walk in, we sometimes trip and fall face-down in a mud puddle...but it's when God picks us up, brushes off the dirt, kisses our “owies”, and helps us start walking again that we encounter the grace of God. Suddenly it's not just a nice word....but a deep revelation of the depths of God's Love and mercy for us...straight from His heart.
So...what exactly have I been doing since I got back home from Harvest School? The focus of my time has been God. Learning to trust in Him...to rest in Him. To hear His heartbeat. I have been spending hours in God's presence, seeking His face and learning from Him. In this time, God has brought more healing, and I have experienced His presence like never before. I am in a time of preparation....like the athletes are put through a time of preparation before running the race. Well...in this case, God has been preparing me for what's ahead. And soon, I will be running. He promised in Isaiah 40:31 “They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” That 'wait' in Hebrew is “qavah”...which means “to bind together (as with strands of a rope) twisted up, wrapped in...to expect, look, patiently, wait (for, on, upon)” That's one packed word! So...it's not just siting in the cold, listless state of unknowing, being all alone...but sitting with Love and allowing myself to be wrapped up in, and bound together in His warm embrace. Letting His presence saturate me. And His perspective starts infusing mine...till it overtakes me....His color, life, and joy fill my life. And really, what is more important than Him? Is there anything in this life more worthy of my time?
In this time, I've been able to grow in my relationships with my family, and have also been spending time with a few youth in my area. God is transforming the way I see others..He's infusing me with His Love. He's asked me to lay everything down. To lose my selfish ambition. (Luke 9:23-24 Romans 6:6) That was crucified with Him on the cross 2,000 years ago....so why would I wanna try to hang on to it? I am seeing differently...even if it's only one speck at a time. My vision is being transformed.
Do I have a plan for the future? A time line of events and plans? No. Am I going to go to school again, perhaps college or university? Or dive headlong into a full-time career? This I don't yet know. But what I do know is that God has told me to Qavah on Him. I trust that He will show me the way. And with child-like faith...I will Qavah Him. =)
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