By Faith

As I sit here, overwhelmed by God's presence, I wanna share with you my heart. There's been alot of things God's been doing in me the last few months. To put it simply, He's been revealing and dealing with alot of deep-rooted fears I've had. And often, as you're going through that process...it's hard to articulate what exactly, you're feeling and how you're dealing with it. Seeing imperfections in ourselves is a very hard thing...and quite frankly, we'd rather not see it.
But this is exactly what God has continued to do in me. And though it is painful, I've been asking Him to help me to embrace these weaknesses (as Paul did), knowing that they are pushing me closer to God, and causing me to rely on Him more than myself. This is the place I want to be, leaning into God...knowing that the only way I'm going to remain on this path He's leading me on is IN Him. There ain't NO way I can do this in my own strength. (Funny how often we start to try though, isn't it? And that's when, in His grace, He shows us our error...and calls us to come deeper in Him.)
This time of preparing to go to Africa again has been fun, and yet stretching too. God is wooing me closer to Him, and calling me to live a life of complete trust in Him. Do you know how much the flesh wants to resist that? Ooooh...my flesh has wanted to take control SO many times, and MAKE things turn out how I want. But that isn't the way that'll lead me to deeper intimacy with God.
As I'm writing, I don't yet have all the money for tickets to Africa. I quite like to have "all my ducks in a row" and preparations made WELL in advance, with a good "buffer zone" so I don't even have to think about such things. But this is the part where God's saying, "Trust ME." "I'm your Provider...and I will NEVER fail you. Not only will I get you to Africa, but I will get you there with MORE than enough, so you can pour out that abundance on others." But oh...how this trusting goes against the grain of human tendencies! And though I know I've been in this place before, it's different somehow. I suppose every time God asks us to take a step (or leap, as may be the case) of faith, it is exactly that...by FAITH. Not by sight.
I know that HE will provide. I know I am going to Africa, He's promised me that. But right now, He's taking my dirt (insecurities and fears) and in their place, giving me jewels worth more than gold or silver..worth more than any earthly treasure could replace. Though He could simply make things happen in a blink of an eye, I'm glad that He's choosing this "refining/stretching" route...'cause it's pulling me SO much closer to Him. And I feel that I'm beginning to smell His fragrance.

$100 and a Roadtrip to California

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that God was asking you to do something, but it seemed completely ludicrous...there was no possible way that it should happen? Well...that was my situation a month ago. I had $100 and I felt that God was leading me to go to California. Now, does that not seem like pure craziness to you? It sure did to me!! I mean, I could buy a cheap winter coat or an expensive pair of jeans....or go on a roadtrip to California?!? This just didn't add up to me. I, for the longest time tried to convince God that I needed to fly to California..I mean, that'd just be more cost-efficient, no? Maybe He should lead me to go to the airport and then someone would give me a ticket! Or better yet, I'd just be translated there! But, “No” God had said. “Roadtrip.” Now, that word is another thing I had a problem with, and I wasn't particularly fond of it. Every other roadtrip I'd taken, the driving had been the worst part. But, I think God wanted me to actually enjoy the journey this time...as one Harley Davidson slogan goes “It's not about the destination, it's the journey”...well, that was sorta true in this case. California is quite a good destination! So...you may now be asking, “What's in California?” There was a reunion from all the Harvest/Holy Given Schools, being held in conjunction with a conference. Though I was going for that, I think of greater importance were the friends that I was able to visit, and the people I met along the way. (not to mention the ways that I was grown in my journey.)
I knew I had heard God, and He had spoken to me more than once about trusting Him...and not being afraid to step out. So, I stepped into my car and began my adventure south..fueled by faith and hence, what felt like pure foolishness. I questioned, for the first 5 hours of my drive, whether I was completely crazy or whether I really had heard God. (Sometimes, I think that both can appear the same to the natural eye - and mind!) But after those first grueling hours, God spoke really clearly to me, that I was right where He wanted me to be, and this is where He wanted me to go. So, after that moment, it was pure faith that kept me movin'.
The roadtrip ended up being fun...I quite enjoyed the scenery, and had alot of amazing times with God. And He provided, like He promised He would....whether it was my gas lasting longer than it should've, people giving to me as they felt led, or 'random' circumstances that opened doors. There were lots of supernatural experiences which would be considered impossible in human efforts. A ring – which was given to me by a close friend - got lost along the way, and God miraculously gave it back to me. Alot of personal growth happened, once again, on this trip. I'm beginning to see how growth is something that will continue to happen (at least, I pray so) for the remainder of my time here on earth. God brings up issues, wounds, or weaknesses that He wants to remove, heal, or strengthen in us. And when we surrender to Him, and allow Him to do so, we are grown. Sure, the process is often painful and even sometimes downright ugly....but one comforting thought for me is that I'm being refined like gold....how the dross is brought to the surface so it can be removed to create a pure gold. Or like silver....as the blacksmith will heat it up in the fire until he can see His reflection in the precious medal, so our Lord allows the testings of this life to purify us till He sees His reflection in our lives. The process is so painful, no? But ooooh, so worth it! He is worth every growing pain along the way!